Start by having your grandmother coddle
you. You should end up with a two large chuck roasts of about 4 pounds, a large
bottle of Kiddoman soy sauce, and a real fuzzy feeling. If you don’t have this
opportunity or time is short, go ahead and by a 4-pound chuck roast, some soy
sauce, sugar (about 8oz), flour (2 tablespoons), carrots (3 large), celery (4
sticks from a stalk), green peppers (1), white sweet onions (1), a small basket
thing of mushrooms, Garlic (3 cloves), black pepper (a pinch), salt (a bit more
than a pinch), and a case of beer to ease the pain of not having as good of a
grandmother as I do.
After you’ve collected everything,
chop everything that seems like it should be chopped. But you want it in chunks
‘cause that’s gonna make your stew stew-y. Sear your roast in a hot pan using a
bit of oil. Oh, You were suppose to get that. To be honest, I didn’t even get
that or really sear it on both sides. I just seared the roast without oil
because I was reading a few recipes and most everyone’s like, “oh yeah,
definitely really sear it. Traps in flavors, ya know?” But then someone else
was like, “No! We’ve had it all wrong! We’re actually losing flavor and ruining
everything by searing both sides! We’ve got to stop what we’re doing and spread
the word!” So I went ahead and seared it because my roasts had been frozen and
it’d at least help finish thawing it. I seared it without oil. What are you
gonna do? I don’t need your opinion about it, okay! If I wanted to be judged,
I’d go back to that Wisconsin karaoke bar and sing some Britany Spears. I don’t
even know why I bother trying to even share this recipe that I made up. Forget
it. I’m done…
…Sorry, I shouldn’t have walked away like that. Where were we? Right. So sear your beef just a bit. Then toss all those chopped chunks and beef into a big ole pot. Oh, I should have mentioned that you should have pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees. I forgot to mention that. You should have done that at the beginning before chopping stuff. Now you’re going to have to wait a bit. I fucked that up. My bad. It’s the searing thing all over again.
In your pot toss in Worchester sauce… I forgot to tell you about the Worchester sauce. You didn’t get it did you. You should get that. It really helps with most beef dishes. I’ll wait.
You got it? Great. Pour in some of that - probably about 3 tablespoons. Then about a cup of soy sauce, cup of sugar, two table spoons of flour, and pinch of salt and pepper. Remember that 6-pack of beer you got? Pour a whole bottle in. I hope you didn’t drink it all. You should definitely only pour a stout or seriously tasty beer in there, but I was assuming that’s what you bought in the first place. If I told you get to cooking beer, you were probably going to do something stupid and end up pouring natty light in this pot. Good lord, I hope you aren’t doing that now. Not put enough water in the there that everything mostly covered – just a few veggies popping up. I made sure to put the meat on the bottle, but it probably doesn’t make a lick of difference.
Now it looks pretty decent already, right? Put that lid on the huge ass pot of deliciousness. Toss that motherfucker in the oven without abandon! Leave it for 1 hr.
Don’t actually leave. That’s dangerous. Just loiter around your kitchen. I watched a movie and played on my laptop. You should start feeling the growing roots of self-doubt. Did you read everything write? What if this recipe doesn’t work with my oven? I didn’t really get 4 pounds of beef. I hope that okay? You know… What if you just turned the temperature down. Just a little bit. Otherwise it might get dry, even though it is fully submerged in liquid. Just go and check on it. That will be okay. Take a fork and poke your meat. Pretty firm, right? I told ya. But just in case, turn the temperature down to 290 degrees. We will both feel better about it. Let that go for 2.5 hours.
…Sorry, I shouldn’t have walked away like that. Where were we? Right. So sear your beef just a bit. Then toss all those chopped chunks and beef into a big ole pot. Oh, I should have mentioned that you should have pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees. I forgot to mention that. You should have done that at the beginning before chopping stuff. Now you’re going to have to wait a bit. I fucked that up. My bad. It’s the searing thing all over again.
In your pot toss in Worchester sauce… I forgot to tell you about the Worchester sauce. You didn’t get it did you. You should get that. It really helps with most beef dishes. I’ll wait.
You got it? Great. Pour in some of that - probably about 3 tablespoons. Then about a cup of soy sauce, cup of sugar, two table spoons of flour, and pinch of salt and pepper. Remember that 6-pack of beer you got? Pour a whole bottle in. I hope you didn’t drink it all. You should definitely only pour a stout or seriously tasty beer in there, but I was assuming that’s what you bought in the first place. If I told you get to cooking beer, you were probably going to do something stupid and end up pouring natty light in this pot. Good lord, I hope you aren’t doing that now. Not put enough water in the there that everything mostly covered – just a few veggies popping up. I made sure to put the meat on the bottle, but it probably doesn’t make a lick of difference.
Now it looks pretty decent already, right? Put that lid on the huge ass pot of deliciousness. Toss that motherfucker in the oven without abandon! Leave it for 1 hr.
Don’t actually leave. That’s dangerous. Just loiter around your kitchen. I watched a movie and played on my laptop. You should start feeling the growing roots of self-doubt. Did you read everything write? What if this recipe doesn’t work with my oven? I didn’t really get 4 pounds of beef. I hope that okay? You know… What if you just turned the temperature down. Just a little bit. Otherwise it might get dry, even though it is fully submerged in liquid. Just go and check on it. That will be okay. Take a fork and poke your meat. Pretty firm, right? I told ya. But just in case, turn the temperature down to 290 degrees. We will both feel better about it. Let that go for 2.5 hours.
Just in case, check the firmness
of your beef every hour or so. You want the meat to be the definition of
tender. When you serve the beef and someone asks for a knife, you want to be
able to smirk back at them and say, “You don’t need one, silly goose.” Then
they just pull apart with their fork their portion of your delicious,
succulent, tender chuck roast. Everyone will be so proud of you, and you’ll
finally get invited to your friends’ bingo night that you’ve always wanted to
go to.
After the beef is tender enough to pull apart (did I mention how tender it should be?), take that pot out! I really hope you used oven mitts. It will be very hot. I don’t want to assume you knew that, so this is your warning.
After the beef is tender enough to pull apart (did I mention how tender it should be?), take that pot out! I really hope you used oven mitts. It will be very hot. I don’t want to assume you knew that, so this is your warning.
Let it sit and cool for a bit and
then serve!
You can thank me later.
Round up:
Ingredients –
You can thank me later.
Round up:
Ingredients –
4-pound Chuck Roast
1 beer
3 Tb of Worchester sauce
1 cup of soy sauce
1 cup of sugar
2 Tb of all purpose Flour
3 Large Carrots
4 Celery Stalks
1 Green Pepper
1 Sweet Onion
1 Pack of belle Mushrooms
3 Gloves of Garlic
1 Tb of Pepper
1Tb of Salt
1 beer
3 Tb of Worchester sauce
1 cup of soy sauce
1 cup of sugar
2 Tb of all purpose Flour
3 Large Carrots
4 Celery Stalks
1 Green Pepper
1 Sweet Onion
1 Pack of belle Mushrooms
3 Gloves of Garlic
1 Tb of Pepper
1Tb of Salt
Directions -
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Wash veggies and meat.
Chop carrots, celery, green pepper, and onion into large chunks. Mince Garlic. Leave mushrooms.
Sear chuck roast to brown both sides.
Put beef, veggies, and rest of ingredients in a big pot.
Cover pot and place in oven.
Cook for an hour then turn the oven down to 290 degrees.
Cook for 2 hours and 30 minutes.
Let cool and enjoy.
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.
Wash veggies and meat.
Chop carrots, celery, green pepper, and onion into large chunks. Mince Garlic. Leave mushrooms.
Sear chuck roast to brown both sides.
Put beef, veggies, and rest of ingredients in a big pot.
Cover pot and place in oven.
Cook for an hour then turn the oven down to 290 degrees.
Cook for 2 hours and 30 minutes.
Let cool and enjoy.
